David Bahn – Reflections

Ephesians 5:22-34

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same wayhusbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If you got past the first verse of this section of Ephesians you’re better than many. The first three verses of this lightening rod passage is a favorite of Bible-bashers and mis-informed misogynists alike! Bible-bashers want to throw it up as an example of out-of-touch, old fashioned, and antiquated Archie Bunker thinking that has no place in modern or post-modern life. Misogynists want to use only the first three verses (!) to justify their misguided abusive treatment of women. Neither sees the whole text or touches even the hem of its meaning. Frankly the misogynists have much to lose by a careful look at the text.

Notice what these words don’t say! It doesn’t say here, “Husbands, make sure your wife submits to you.” Nor does it say, “Wives, make certain that your husband loves you.” This is a lightening rod passage to men and women: each is called to live toward the other in a manner not easily embraced. We’re neither naturally inclined to submit to anyone, nor predisposed to love sacrificially. Those are not our default attitudes.

What it does say here is worth embracing if you wish to sustain or enrich your marriage. John and Staci Eldridge have written an insightful book, Love and War, which highlights the unique male and female perspectives and needs within marriage. They make the point that if forced to choose men will be more likely to choose being respected rather than being loved. Women, on the other hand would prefer to be loved rather than respected. Key here is the “forced to choose” part of that equation for the Eldridges. But more important: this is exactly the formula offered in verse 33.

Most important, however, is the milieu of these verses, the substance and atmosphere from which they are drawn. This is not merely an isolated how-to on marriage relationship success. These thoughts flow from convictions about God’s grace in Jesus Christ, and the out-working of those convictions as it touches (in this case) marriage. Consider this: Why does it matter how we treat our spouse? There more at stake than even our marriage relationships. The way we treat our spouse impacts our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family members. True love and respect are rare commodities. The grace of God in Christ is the seedbed from which they grow. Their presence in any relationship is powerful evidence of a rich and powerful reality that turns lightening rods into silver goblets of grace and beauty.